Here's the full list of quotes I got by email...

A day without sunshine is like... night.  

On the other hand, you have different fingers.  

 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.  

 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

 Remember, half the people you know are below average 

 He who laughs last thinks slowest.  

 Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.  

 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.  

 Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.  

 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

 Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.  

 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.  

 How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.  

 OK, so what's the speed of dark?  

 When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.  

 Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.  

 Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.  

 How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 

 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.  

 What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 

 "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 

 Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?  

 Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.  

 Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.  

 Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright... until you hear them speak.




It's true what they say about airline baggage handlers, just check this out....







Check out more great Airline problems at http://www.micom.net/oops/

Q:  I did terribly on the midterm, but only because for some reason I didn't try or do the work.  Actually I'm very smart and if I had tried, I could have done as well here as I do in my other classes.  If I am extremely polite and respectful, and promise now to work hard, can you adjust things so that I will pass this class?

A: No.


Q:  I am unable to attend class because of a scheduling conflict with work.  Can I get partial credit for the classes that I am, unfortunately, nforced to miss?

A:  No.


Q:  I missed the exam because the bus was late.  Can I take it over the break?

A:  No.


Q: I never read the first few books because they didn't have them in the bookstore.  Can you quickly explain to me what's in them that I might need for the test?

A:  No.


Q:  I really need a higher grade than the one I got if I am going to graduate, and my whole extended family has bought plane tickets to see me graduate.  Can I please please do some extra work to raise my grade?

A:  No.


Q:  I always got by without doing the reading in my other classes, but I just found I failed the midterm.  Now I know I need to do all the readings:  can I retake the test?

A:  No.


And for a special bonus, here is an actual email from a student who DID NOT READ THESE FAQs, thought s/he could do crappy work and then bleed a C out of me.  S/he FLUNKED.


hello this is XXXX. i'm in your sociology XXX class.. i was going to go see you, but i know myself well enough to know that i won't be able to say everything that i want to say in person, so i'm writing this e-mail. For the first half of this semester, i've been having many problems. my parents, who are in XXXX told me during the winter break that they are getting a divorce... also, my dad is having financal problems, as most people in XXXX now, so he couldn't send me the money i needed to support myself here. I want to work, but as a f-1 visa, it is illligal for me to work here in the states.  Between those two tihngs and missing some of the classes from breaking my finger and my car being towed, i really couldn't concentrate on the work, as you can tell from my midterm.. i got a D. I really really need to pass this course. i am a sociology major who is going to graduate after this semister. If i don't gradute... not getting a diploma after this semester means throwing away the 4 years of college that my parents supported me. I can't do summer school to make up or come back next semester because i have to go to the XXXX army.(all XXXX men must go to XXXX army for around 2 years). I MUST graduate this semister. i will do anything to pass your class. Can you please give me an extra-credit assignment or anything else to help my grade. It took me alot of courage to write this to you. please don't let me regret writing this email to you. thank you for reading this..